The Evil Brick

There was once a slip of a girl with an almost elven beauty to her. She looked delicate. Vulnerable to the harsh realities of the world. To look upon her was to have your heart melt into your boots as it warmed you to the very core.

The girl went to an old gas station, half under renovations with plyboard and bricks piled high all around. She saw a trucker there. A man three times her size with arms as thick as her waist. At seeing the man, the girl felt a primal urge well up inside her. And so, she followed the man into the gas station toilet, picked up one of the loose bricks stacked to one side, and smacked the man in the back of the head repeatedly until his blood ran thick upon the cold tiles.

An attendant rushed in. “Get away from her! I’ll call the police!” he screamed as he entered, only to freeze in his tracks as he looked upon the dead man and the girl who still held the brick which dripped with blood.

He rushed away, phone in hand, hastily calling for help. Within minutes, police cars arrived, their lights painting the gas station red and blue. They rushed to the girl with their guns drawn and tore the brick from her hand.

“Stay down!” they shouted at the brick as more of them rushed to take the girl away from the horrible thing.

There was a long moment of arguing back and forth among the officers as they discussed whether they should read the brick its rights. It was, after all, a brick. Did bricks have rights? Should bricks have rights?

In the end, they played it safe. To ensure such a heinous murderer had no chance of getting off on a technicality.

They rushed the girl away and asked her for answers in the gentlest way possible. There were many arguments about questioning the girl at all. After all, how could anyone put such a delicate, pure creature through such a terrible ordeal again?

But no matter what technique they used, the horrible murderous brick remained utterly unresponsive. A truly cold-blooded killer lacking any semblance of remorse or emotional reaction. It left even body language experts utterly puzzled as to its true intentions.

The girl answered all their questions, however, and told them how it was her that had committed this terrible act. She expressed an overwhelming desire to do violence and cause suffering and pain.

This shocking revelation changed everything anyone thought they knew. They felt like fools for how they leaped to conclusions. Rushed in without a thought. Judged things on such surface, appearance levels. How could they make such a massive mistake?

But now they knew the truth.

Clearly, the brick was no ordinary brick and had somehow implanted the idea in the mind of this sweet innocent girl that it was all her doing. That it had been her wish. Her actions. All her.

Under this new light, the brick’s crimes seemed more terrible. Security watching over the brick was tripled and it was placed in a custom-made solitary cell with no contact with other inmates or guards.

After all, they couldn’t take the risk of this master manipulator subverting anyone else.

The trial was a swift one. One look at the sweet, innocent, slip of a girl left everyone without a shadow of a doubt as to the monstrous nature of the evil brick.

As the trial raced along, politicians and lawmakers rushed to re-enact the death penalty as fast as possible and just barely managed to get it passed unanimously as the guilty verdict was issued.

It wasn’t long before the brick paid for its terrible crimes. To everyone’s shock, the brick survived attempts to hang it. It was as though the devil itself worked its powers to keep it alive. Lethal injection failed even to penetrate and the gas chamber too proved ineffective.

And so the righteous people electrocuted, drowned, and even ran over the brick with a truck but to no avail.

Despite these setbacks, people around the world declared that they would see it through as such terrible evil could not be allowed to exist and so they persevered until at last, they found the answer. A firing squad made up entirely of 0.50 caliber machine guns. And a nuclear strike from orbit.

As experts combed the radioactive crater that had been the site of the execution, they announced that at last, the evil brick was dead. The world could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

But, such relief was short-lived as more bodies were found. More evil bricks, shards of glass, knives, guns, and spatulas had latched onto the poor innocent girl who seemed doomed to be the victim of their twisted manipulations.

But, the world would not rest. Would not tire or give in. They would end the threat of these various inanimate objects until at last the girl they so loved was free of such horrible machinations!


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